Self-care

Why Do You Still Resist Your Radiant Inner Beauty?

Why is it so wrong to admire yourself?
Why have we been taught that appreciating yourself is wrong?

There are 7 billion people on this planet, and each one of them is unique, one of a kind, distinctive, with different qualities, talents and abilities.

DON’T YOU THINK THAT THIS IS A MIRACLE WORTH ADMIRATION?

You are unique; they are unique, all of us are unique. Isn’t this enough reason to admire your own inner beauty and excellence.

It isn’t wrong to be self-appreciating instead of self-deprecating, but society prefers false humbleness, pseudo-humility.

Don’t allow others to tell you what and how to feel about yourself, to define you. Don’t allow them to project their own fears and insecurities onto you.

Self-appreciation and self-love are so much needed for our emotional wellbeing.

Don’t tolerate others bullying you into their own restricted, limited vision of you.

Don’t accept others putting you down, making you small.
You are not small; you are unique, excellent, magnificent.

When you admire yourself, you can then begin to admire others as well.
Admiration is an appreciation of gifts, talents and inner beauty.

And this is how you need to start living your life.
The more of us that re-discover our radiant inner beauty, the better place the world becomes.

With all my love,
Marzena

What Does Self-Care Mean To You?

Photo by MikesPhotos

Here are some of the main points I’ll explore, but there are many many more to delve into:

  • You’re your main priority.

Looking after yourself is your main priority. It’s not a luxury anymore, but it’s a necessity for your wellbeing and growth.

And please don’t feel guilty about it. Yes, we (especially women) have been made to think that looking after yourself is SELFISH.

NONSENSE!! Don’t believe it anymore.  

How about we make our ‘new’ New Year’s Resolution (I know, I said in one of my previous posts that I hate New Year’s resolutions, but I’ll make an exception here!) to be:

LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF IN 2020 IS GOING TO BE OUR MAIN PRIORITY!

  • Take your time before you say YES. Check internally, sense whether you want to do it. Or why you are doing it. Do you want to please anyone?
  • Learn to use, or even overuse, saying NO. You can always change your mind, but if you’re unsure or have any doubt, always say NO.

I’ll give you a tip here. If saying straightforward NO is too difficult for you, you can say instead, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you“. This way, it’s not a straight NO, but it gives you time and an opportunity to think about it and make a decision without any pressure.

  • Notice which people drain your energy or are negative. Learn how to discern. Yet again, listen to your body. The wisdom is inside of us. And avoid or minimise spending time with those people.
  • Conversely, notice who makes you feel energised, who is positive, encouraging and motivating. And spend more time around them.
  • Have a lot of compassion for yourself. You don’t have to be perfect – just good enough, and treat yourself as you would treat your best friend.
  • Trust your feelings and intuition much much more, using them as your internal compass. Exercise those “gut feeling” muscles – the more you practice, the better you get.
  • Be more forgiving, gentle and less self-critical.
  • Last but not least! Practice feeling GRATEFUL. It will really make you happier. Appreciate what you already have and be thankful.

With Love

Marzena

Do you HATE New Year resolutions?

Photo by Pixabay

I DO!

The news is that, for most people, New Year good intentions never last!

We need to stop kidding ourselves that it will work.
We are continually being conditioned and manipulated into believing that New Year resolutions work, and that they are going to change our lives.

“In fact, around 12 per cent of gym members sign up in January, and according to the Fitness Industry Association, 4 per cent of new gym-goers don’t even make it past the end of January and 14 per cent drop out in February and most people have quit or stop going after 24 weeks.”

So how do you achieve lasting change?

For me, every day is the beginning of something new.

Big change is the process of making small changes.

The change does not need to be big. You don’t have to make a big shift, just take the smallest step possible.

What is the smallest change can you make today?

My motto is:
“It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop” – Confucius

My favourite quote is one from Desmond Tutu. He said that

“THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO EAT AN ELEPHANT: A BITE AT A TIME.”

Everything in life that seems daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible can be achieved gradually by taking on JUST A LITTLE STEP AT A TIME.

Why do so many people fall short of turning their dreams into reality? They try to eat the whole elephant in a single bite. (I just love this comparison, it’s so visual. It definitely works for me.)

Let’s talk about efficiency here. I don’t like wasting my time, and try to make the most of it. So the question to you would be:
What is the smallest possible step towards your future goal you can take right now? The step that will require the least amount of your effort?

Let’s think about this ….

For example:
If you want to get fit, start with walking. Take a short walk (daily, weekly) it’s really up to you.
What is the minimum you can do today? 5 min? 10 min walk?
You need to decide.
What does it feel ok for you to do today with the minimum effort used?
Just something very small.

or

Do you want to learn to meditate?

How about initially, try 2 min of breathing exercise, being aware of your breathing, for 2 min every day.
Do you think you can do it?

Does it sound too easy? Don’t deceive yourself, easy is good, easy is progress, easy is a continuance.

Or maybe you could do some more gardening- maybe just a few minutes a day.
Being outside in the fresh air is so invigorating. We have really lost touch in being with nature.

And most of all, whatever you do, try to enjoy yourself.
Do it with joy, excitement, in a child-like way. It does not have to be hard to be effective, but please start with a joyful, radiant attitude and make it as easy as possible.

Don’t try to make your life difficult, there is no need. Make it effortless.

Apply this to every goal. Start with easy steps, repeat them and progress ….
Slow, easy, small steps towards your goal. One bite at a time. Then make a change if needed.

Trust your guts, how much is too much?

How much is just boring? Make it interesting.

Add or get rid of something. It’s a process.

You can be as creative as you want.

As Tao Tzu said –
“THE JOURNEY OF THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH ONE STEP.”

With Love

Marzena

How Are You Feeling After Christmas?

Photo by Matheus Bertelli

How was this Christmas for you?

Have you made the right decision about where you want to be, with whom, and for how long?

Have you just survived? Or have you had a fabulous time?

If you’ve had a fabulous time – that’s wonderful!

Celebrate that, your experiences, your relationships. And cultivate those relationships.

However, if you are happy that Christmas is over  …

Or

You have just survived and are depleted, tired and thinking “thank god I still have a few days to recover”.

then you need to be aware of how you feel and what you need.

Those questions are very important.

What do I need?

How do I feel?

It is very probable that you have never asked yourself those questions. That you’ve lived your whole life as others wanted you to – fulfilling other’s expectations.

If so, you are not in tune with your own internal compass, your own feelings, needs and wants, because nobody ever taught you.

You were taught to comply with what your parents wanted, society expected or your partner liked and so on.

But how about you?

What do you need right now?  

THE MORE OFTEN YOU ASK YOURSELF THOSE QUESTIONS, THE MORE YOU WILL BE IN TUNE WITH YOUR INTERNAL COMPASS AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT YOUR NEEDS ARE.

THE MORE YOU WILL KNOW WHEN TO SAY YES AND WHEN TO SAY NO.

Now is the time to contemplate on this, to reflect., to feel your body.

How does your body respond to those questions?

Your body is your entry gate to your inner world. You need to bypass your mind, as your mind is so preconditioned with what others want you to do that it would not know your true answer.

Your body has its own wisdom, so tap into it.

And now I invite you to contemplate the following:

  • How do I need to look after myself?
  • What do I need to do less or more of?

or

  • My needs and emotions matter.
  • I need some space and that’s ok.
  • I need time for myself, it does not mean that I am weird.
  • Because I don’t like everyone you do, it does not mean that there is something wrong with me…

And please add some more below…

With all my love

Marzena

How to Nourish and Recharge Yourself?

The other day, I went to London to meet up with a few friends. I previously lived in London for 27 years and left the city a couple of years ago for a quiet suburban town. I had forgotten how busy, rushed and extremely agitated London can be.

Although I had a lovely time catching up with my friends from far away lands, the chaos of this city had a very unsettling effect on me. After I returned, it took me several hours to ‘recalibrate’ myself to my usual tranquil, content, energy-filled state.

It reminded me how easy it is to get completely desensitised to this kind of chaotic energy. I used to commute to London for years, and I forgot how much we all need to nourish ourselves, so we can discharge all that negativity.

Where we are living now, we are surrounded by a beautiful park-like garden, with the glorious Hills all around. It’s so peaceful and nurturing.

It is so important to get away from chaos, and immerse yourself in nature if you can. I am fortunate to be able to do that. We call our place our sanctuary. It’s so full of enchanted beauty.

It’s essential, to all of us, to replenish the loss of energy by all means possible. It can be done by taking a walk in the park, yoga, meditation, being with nature, gardening and so on. This allows us to create, and then maintain, an internal ‘WELL OF GOODNESS’.

We need to replenish our energy more often nowadays, so we don’t deplete ourselves. When we’re depleted, we are prone to depression, melancholy, anxiety, loss of vitality, deterioration of our health.

Bearing in mind how essential it is to have your own ‘WELL OF GOODNESS’, and to be able to plug yourself into it, you need to create your own practices/routines (such as taking a walk in the park, yoga, meditations, being with nature, gardening, music and so on) so you can immerse all of your being, ground yourself, be still, centred, heal and abide in the serenity.

With All my love ❤️
Marzena

TO GO HOME FOR CHRISTMAS – OR NOT TO GO

Christmas is approaching, and yet again we need to decide where and with whom to spend it. For many of us, Christmas with our families can be a tough and challenging time.

As Ram Dass said (I’m paraphrasing here):

“If you think you are healed from your emotional wounds, go and spend one week with your family.“

I was going home for Christmas for many years, and every time was fraught with pain, frustration, tears, uncertainty, anxiety. But one year I decided enough was enough. I could not take it any longer. The pain and frustration was just too much to bear, and I stopped going. I must say it was not easy – I had to find the balance within myself between guilt and resentment.

Being with my family at Christmas, or any other time, just completely destroyed my soul. The constant uncertainty about what was going to happen next, my mother’s unpredictability, how she was going to react, the anticipation of her emotional outbursts, abusive words, complaints. And most of all, her complete lack of respect for anybody but herself.

I said it: enough was enough.

One day I realised that I have rights and feelings. My needs count, and I would not tolerate any more abuse from her. For my own sanity, I decided to instead surround myself with people who’s company I love and cherish.

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  • I decided that i would respect my feelings.
  • To be gentle, caring and loving to myself.
  • To listen to what i wanted, as opposed to what others wanted/expected of me.
  • To be less critical and more forgiving of myself.
  • If i didn’t want to go home for christmas, i didn’t have to!
  • I HAVE A CHOICE WHERE AND HOW I WANT TO SPEND CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I LOVE AND RESPECT MYSELF.

I invite you to say these words out loud, and listen to how your body is reacting, listen and sense and allow the sensation to pass. This might be the first time that you are actually allowing yourself to hear and feel what those words mean in a visceral way.

How your body is reacting when you give yourself permission to feel and choose. And this time you can really truly trust yourself. You can trust what your body is telling you, trust in your gut instinct. And you know what’s more, nothing bad is going to happen to you. You are an adult now, you are not a child anymore and nobody has any control over you.

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From then on, each year I’ve spent my Christmas at my home, surrounded by people I chose to be with. These festive times have become loving, tender, warm gatherings of people who love and mutually respect each other. We spend our Christmases in an atmosphere of love and joy and laughter.

I also decided not to have presents for Christmas. It was my conscious choice. It might not be the choice for you, but it was for me. The most important thing is to realise that we have a choice, that we can listen to our souls, our hearts, our guts for direction. 

As I said, in my home, we don’t have to give each other presents at Christmas. I found all this business with buying presents quite distruptive – it takes us away from true deep connection.

When my sons were small, then yes, the presents were given for them, but not now that they are adults.

Why do we need to spend time, money and effort, trying to buy something that most of the time the other person does not need or want? I used to give all my presents away anyway, or kept them for the next year to give to someone else!

The time and each other’s company, love and understanding, joy and laughter are now the presents we give to each other. This is what Christmas has become for me, this is my way of celebrating the festive season.

This might not be your way of celebrating Christmas, but what I’m trying to convey here is that it is up to you how you want to celebrate it. You HAVE A CHOICE.

But you need to be prepared that others might not like it, and that’s fine because they also have the right to their ways of celebrating Christmas.

We need to learn that others do not have to agree with our new-found freedom and choice. But this is ok.

We can make changes, and allow others to stay as they are because they also have freedom to be, and to choose.

I wish for you to have the Christmas 2019 that YOU truly enjoy and desire.

With all my love Marzena

Acting With Enough Goodness to Protect and Nourish Yourself

I invite you to take some steps on your falling-in-love-with-yourself journey. Self-caring and self-protection are the most fundamental steps in this journey. When you were small, very often you couldn’t protect yourself because you were completely dependent upon your caregivers, whether they were parents, other family members, guardians, etc. You never had a chance to …

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