Personal Development

What’s The Best Piece Of Advice You’ve Ever Received?

I remember there was a time as an adult when my self-worth was very low.
Around that time, my father had a number of disagreements with my young son. On one occasion, he had treated my son in a, particularly bad way.

Although at that time I wouldn’t have defended myself against my father, I leapt to the defence of my son. As a mother, I would not allow anybody to hurt my son, I would have fought for him no matter what.

Later on, I was recalling this incident to my counsellor, and to this day I remember myself saying: “I don’t mind being mistreated by my father, but I will never tolerate him doing it to my son.”

And I still, all these years later, clearly recall how my counsellor responded.

She asked me:
“WHY DO YOU THINK THAT YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE RESPECTED?”

WOW! How simple and powerful THAT was. I realised then how little value I had for myself. I also deserved to be treated with respect.
It was the most profound AHA moment for me. It changed my life.

THAT WAS THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE I’VE EVER RECEIVED.

This new understanding has significantly helped my life turn out for the better.

Because They Are Our Parents, It Does Not Give Them A Licence To Disrespect Us.

WE ALL HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE, RESPECT AND APPRECIATION.

With all my love
Marzena

Less Is More

Are you constantly stressed, not having any time to yourself and being soooo exhausted?

This is a very challenging subject, especially nowadays, but I have noticed that many of my clients complain about not having enough time, about being constantly busy, exhausted and stressed.

More money, a bigger house, more time spent at work, more activities, more chores, more friends, more parties, more going out — and so on…

And you end up feeling totally exhausted, unable to enjoy it all, or to spend quality time with your loved ones or with yourself.

And you feel terribly unhappy, rushed, stressed or depleted.

Do you really need more and more?

How about less, but mindfully.

Have you ever wondered why you are doing it all?

What is the point?

Please question everything you believe in, everything you have been taught, especially those thoughts in your head. (To read my blog about thoughts in your head, click here.)

I invite you to tune into your wonderful mind-and-body, and ask yourself a question.

What do I need right now?

Do I need that at all?

Why am I doing it?

Or maybe… who am doing it for?

Just be aware of what you really want or need right now.

And go from there.

Try this new approach: if something does not feel right, then pause, feel it, and let it go.

Do less, sense more, be more aware, mindful.

You will never know what you really want if you don’t start questioning yourself, your actions and your motives.

You might not know the answer right now, but it will definitely come to you at some point.

When you are ready to BE with the question, the answer will unfold itself.

“LIVING THE QUESTIONS

MOVES YOU INTO THE ANSWER.

A MORE MINDFUL, PURPOSE-DRIVEN EXISTENCE.”

-Deepak Chopra

Would it be much better if you were TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE, the one you want to live, not a version of somebody else’s life?

You might encounter a lot of resistance from yourself — and especially from others. It may be challenging at first, but it will be worth it.

This way, you can reclaim your authentic power, and start acting from that place of knowing, from that place of integrity.

AND LESS WILL BECOME SO MUCH MORE.

With all my love Mx

Why Do You Like Helping Others?

Photo by Artem Bali

Why do you like helping others? Have you ever wondered?

This question might sound very strange to you, but it’s valid.

I invite you to ask yourself the following:

“Why do I like helping others?”, and ponder on it. Notice how you, your body and mind react.

Some reasons you want to help others might be:

  • You feel guilty if you don’t help them.
  • You want something back in return.
  • It will make you feel important.
  • You want people to need you.
  • You are afraid of saying NO.
  • You want to avoid working on your own problems.
  • You are running away from something.
  • You want others to be dependent upon you.
  • You don’t know when to stop and let them learn how to resolve their own problems.
  • You are afraid of them.

Do any of the above resonate with you? Maybe helping others at all cost is not what is needed.

Caring about others needs to come from the place of being FULLY FULFILLED YOURSELF. Giving without expecting something in return, without any tag attached to helping.

Helping others requires discernment; what does the other person really need right now?

Is it possible that by helping them we don’t allow them to grow, to learn their own lessons in life?

“NEVER GIVE FROM THE DEPTH OF YOUR WELL,

BUT FROM YOUR OVERFLOW”

 – RUMI

Automatically saying ‘Yes’ to helping others can cause more harm than good – both to yourself, and to them.

I remember my adult son asking me for help, and I refused him. It definitely wasn’t easy. My heart was breaking, but I knew that it was the best decision, the only one I could have made at that moment. Believe me, it would have been much easier to have helped him, but I had to say NO because I could see that he needed to take responsibility for his actions. Me helping him would have had a detrimental consequence for him.

“TAKE TIME OFF TO GIVE TO YOURSELF,

 IN A SENSE TO FILL YOURSELF UP TO FULLNESS,

TO WHERE NOW YOU CAN OVERFLOW IN GIVING.”

–  JOHN GRAY

I invite you to consider:

What kind of help, if any, is required?

Or

Do I have the capacity to give at this given moment? Maybe I need to look after myself now?

With all my love,

Marzena

Don’t Believe Your Thoughts.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova

Do you hear those discouraging, critical thoughts in your head?

I used to. The judgemental voices in my head were saying things like:

  • Why did you do it again?
  • You should have known better!
  • Don’t even try it, …
  • Girls don’t do that …
  • It’s your fault …
  • You don’t deserve it …

To name but a few!

I still recognise those thoughts. They were haunting me for as long as I could remember.

Listening to those voices created a lot of pain and anguish in my life, damaged many of my relationships, and often self-sabotaged my efforts.

Those thoughts unconsciously controlled me, and in many ways influenced my actions. 

They were whispering words of doubts, criticism, low self-esteem and victimhood.

You might be wondering where those thoughts come from.

Those voices in our heads come from people who were very important to us, our significant others (e.g. parents, teachers or people in authority) when we were small and easily influenced.

Those thoughts, as Freud would say, are our parental voices, our super-ego, that ‘keep us in line’. They are ensuring what our significant others would have wanted us to do, or projected on us their own fears and insecurities.

I still hear them, but I don’t believe them anymore.

And this is the SECRET.

DON’T BELIEVE your THOUGHTS.

When we become aware of those thoughts and start noticing them, we begin to understand that they are only thoughts in our heads – and only then do they lose their power to control us.

When we become aware of them, then we can decide how to respond. We are empowered.

“Most people are other people.

Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions,

their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” – Oscar Wilde

Those thoughts are not you, and neither are those critical voices. THE REAL YOU IS LOVING, CONSIDERATE AND ALL-ENCOMPASSING.

I invite you to start paying attention to those thoughts, noticing them, being aware of them.

They are only thoughts – don’t believe them.

By realising that they are not you, these negative thoughts will lose their tight hold over you.

At first, it might be difficult, but it gets easier. Practice makes it better.

And……

Please don’t get angry with yourself when, from time to time, you allow them to control you. This is a slow and conscious process of retraining our mind and re-educating ourselves.

But it is sooo worth it…

WHEN YOU STOP BELIEVING THOSE THOUGHTS, YOU WILL EXPERIENCE MORE JOY, FREEDOM, COURAGE, SATISFACTION AND CREATIVITY IN YOUR LIFE.

Eckhart Tolle said:

“ ’What freedom is?’

 Is to realise that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am.

‘Who am I, then?’

 The one who sees that. ”

With all my love ❤️
Marzena

Why Do You Still Resist Your Radiant Inner Beauty?

Why is it so wrong to admire yourself?
Why have we been taught that appreciating yourself is wrong?

There are 7 billion people on this planet, and each one of them is unique, one of a kind, distinctive, with different qualities, talents and abilities.

DON’T YOU THINK THAT THIS IS A MIRACLE WORTH ADMIRATION?

You are unique; they are unique, all of us are unique. Isn’t this enough reason to admire your own inner beauty and excellence.

It isn’t wrong to be self-appreciating instead of self-deprecating, but society prefers false humbleness, pseudo-humility.

Don’t allow others to tell you what and how to feel about yourself, to define you. Don’t allow them to project their own fears and insecurities onto you.

Self-appreciation and self-love are so much needed for our emotional wellbeing.

Don’t tolerate others bullying you into their own restricted, limited vision of you.

Don’t accept others putting you down, making you small.
You are not small; you are unique, excellent, magnificent.

When you admire yourself, you can then begin to admire others as well.
Admiration is an appreciation of gifts, talents and inner beauty.

And this is how you need to start living your life.
The more of us that re-discover our radiant inner beauty, the better place the world becomes.

With all my love,
Marzena

Slow Down… Stop Being So Busy… And You Might Surprise Yourself!

Photo by Free-Photos

What is the most ‘fashionable’ expression right now?

OMG – I’M SO BUSY!!!

Yes, it seems that being busy is very fashionable.

‘Busy-ness’ is many people’s defaults position. It might even feel that having so much to do equates with being ‘successful’ in life.

But the side-effect is that the physical ‘busy-ness’ makes us anxious, agitated, restless, tired, unhappy, unfulfilled and not present. 

Alternatively…

Can you stop and pause? Is there anything that does not need to be done right now? Is it possible to stop being perfect? Do you have to tick off all the items on your to-do list?

Ask yourself these questions:

“Is it possible that I am afraid of being still and quiet? Of just being?

What am I trying to avoid?”

And SENSE what the answer is. Allow yourself to feel that need, that tension to rush, to do things.

Stillness can be frightening, so we keep ourselves busy.

We like being busy and very often are mindlessly rushing around.

Why are we so afraid of stillness? Of that enormous GAP between our thoughts and actions?

‘Mind that GAP ‘

How would you feel if I told you that that gap between your thoughts and actions is a well of your inner wisdom, the place of wonder and surprise?

Stop avoiding and running away from stillness, and you will discover that hidden wonder, the beauty of serenity and quietness. You might surprise yourself. 

The physical ‘busy-ness’ makes us anxious, restless, tired, unhappy, unfulfilled and not present.  When we stop, we able to notice things, admire and appreciate the splendour of the moment.

Being in the moment allows you to take in this precious stillness – a moment of profound inner wisdom and awe.

I invite you to be still and silent and take in this very moment.

 Life is so magnificent.

Take in that splendour of being in the NOW.

I suggest that you integrate this as one of your daily self-caring practices, and you will notice how much more grace, beauty, joy and wisdom is in any given moment of your life.

With all my love

Marzena

What Does Self-Care Mean To You?

Photo by MikesPhotos

Here are some of the main points I’ll explore, but there are many many more to delve into:

  • You’re your main priority.

Looking after yourself is your main priority. It’s not a luxury anymore, but it’s a necessity for your wellbeing and growth.

And please don’t feel guilty about it. Yes, we (especially women) have been made to think that looking after yourself is SELFISH.

NONSENSE!! Don’t believe it anymore.  

How about we make our ‘new’ New Year’s Resolution (I know, I said in one of my previous posts that I hate New Year’s resolutions, but I’ll make an exception here!) to be:

LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF IN 2020 IS GOING TO BE OUR MAIN PRIORITY!

  • Take your time before you say YES. Check internally, sense whether you want to do it. Or why you are doing it. Do you want to please anyone?
  • Learn to use, or even overuse, saying NO. You can always change your mind, but if you’re unsure or have any doubt, always say NO.

I’ll give you a tip here. If saying straightforward NO is too difficult for you, you can say instead, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you“. This way, it’s not a straight NO, but it gives you time and an opportunity to think about it and make a decision without any pressure.

  • Notice which people drain your energy or are negative. Learn how to discern. Yet again, listen to your body. The wisdom is inside of us. And avoid or minimise spending time with those people.
  • Conversely, notice who makes you feel energised, who is positive, encouraging and motivating. And spend more time around them.
  • Have a lot of compassion for yourself. You don’t have to be perfect – just good enough, and treat yourself as you would treat your best friend.
  • Trust your feelings and intuition much much more, using them as your internal compass. Exercise those “gut feeling” muscles – the more you practice, the better you get.
  • Be more forgiving, gentle and less self-critical.
  • Last but not least! Practice feeling GRATEFUL. It will really make you happier. Appreciate what you already have and be thankful.

With Love

Marzena