Slow Down… Stop Being So Busy… And You Might Surprise Yourself!

Photo by Free-Photos

What is the most ‘fashionable’ expression right now?

OMG – I’M SO BUSY!!!

Yes, it seems that being busy is very fashionable.

‘Busy-ness’ is many people’s defaults position. It might even feel that having so much to do equates with being ‘successful’ in life.

But the side-effect is that the physical ‘busy-ness’ makes us anxious, agitated, restless, tired, unhappy, unfulfilled and not present. 

Alternatively…

Can you stop and pause? Is there anything that does not need to be done right now? Is it possible to stop being perfect? Do you have to tick off all the items on your to-do list?

Ask yourself these questions:

“Is it possible that I am afraid of being still and quiet? Of just being?

What am I trying to avoid?”

And SENSE what the answer is. Allow yourself to feel that need, that tension to rush, to do things.

Stillness can be frightening, so we keep ourselves busy.

We like being busy and very often are mindlessly rushing around.

Why are we so afraid of stillness? Of that enormous GAP between our thoughts and actions?

‘Mind that GAP ‘

How would you feel if I told you that that gap between your thoughts and actions is a well of your inner wisdom, the place of wonder and surprise?

Stop avoiding and running away from stillness, and you will discover that hidden wonder, the beauty of serenity and quietness. You might surprise yourself. 

The physical ‘busy-ness’ makes us anxious, restless, tired, unhappy, unfulfilled and not present.  When we stop, we able to notice things, admire and appreciate the splendour of the moment.

Being in the moment allows you to take in this precious stillness – a moment of profound inner wisdom and awe.

I invite you to be still and silent and take in this very moment.

 Life is so magnificent.

Take in that splendour of being in the NOW.

I suggest that you integrate this as one of your daily self-caring practices, and you will notice how much more grace, beauty, joy and wisdom is in any given moment of your life.

With all my love

Marzena

What Does Self-Care Mean To You?

Photo by MikesPhotos

Here are some of the main points I’ll explore, but there are many many more to delve into:

  • You’re your main priority.

Looking after yourself is your main priority. It’s not a luxury anymore, but it’s a necessity for your wellbeing and growth.

And please don’t feel guilty about it. Yes, we (especially women) have been made to think that looking after yourself is SELFISH.

NONSENSE!! Don’t believe it anymore.  

How about we make our ‘new’ New Year’s Resolution (I know, I said in one of my previous posts that I hate New Year’s resolutions, but I’ll make an exception here!) to be:

LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF IN 2020 IS GOING TO BE OUR MAIN PRIORITY!

  • Take your time before you say YES. Check internally, sense whether you want to do it. Or why you are doing it. Do you want to please anyone?
  • Learn to use, or even overuse, saying NO. You can always change your mind, but if you’re unsure or have any doubt, always say NO.

I’ll give you a tip here. If saying straightforward NO is too difficult for you, you can say instead, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you“. This way, it’s not a straight NO, but it gives you time and an opportunity to think about it and make a decision without any pressure.

  • Notice which people drain your energy or are negative. Learn how to discern. Yet again, listen to your body. The wisdom is inside of us. And avoid or minimise spending time with those people.
  • Conversely, notice who makes you feel energised, who is positive, encouraging and motivating. And spend more time around them.
  • Have a lot of compassion for yourself. You don’t have to be perfect – just good enough, and treat yourself as you would treat your best friend.
  • Trust your feelings and intuition much much more, using them as your internal compass. Exercise those “gut feeling” muscles – the more you practice, the better you get.
  • Be more forgiving, gentle and less self-critical.
  • Last but not least! Practice feeling GRATEFUL. It will really make you happier. Appreciate what you already have and be thankful.

With Love

Marzena

Do you HATE New Year resolutions?

Photo by Pixabay

I DO!

The news is that, for most people, New Year good intentions never last!

We need to stop kidding ourselves that it will work.
We are continually being conditioned and manipulated into believing that New Year resolutions work, and that they are going to change our lives.

“In fact, around 12 per cent of gym members sign up in January, and according to the Fitness Industry Association, 4 per cent of new gym-goers don’t even make it past the end of January and 14 per cent drop out in February and most people have quit or stop going after 24 weeks.”

So how do you achieve lasting change?

For me, every day is the beginning of something new.

Big change is the process of making small changes.

The change does not need to be big. You don’t have to make a big shift, just take the smallest step possible.

What is the smallest change can you make today?

My motto is:
“It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop” – Confucius

My favourite quote is one from Desmond Tutu. He said that

“THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO EAT AN ELEPHANT: A BITE AT A TIME.”

Everything in life that seems daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible can be achieved gradually by taking on JUST A LITTLE STEP AT A TIME.

Why do so many people fall short of turning their dreams into reality? They try to eat the whole elephant in a single bite. (I just love this comparison, it’s so visual. It definitely works for me.)

Let’s talk about efficiency here. I don’t like wasting my time, and try to make the most of it. So the question to you would be:
What is the smallest possible step towards your future goal you can take right now? The step that will require the least amount of your effort?

Let’s think about this ….

For example:
If you want to get fit, start with walking. Take a short walk (daily, weekly) it’s really up to you.
What is the minimum you can do today? 5 min? 10 min walk?
You need to decide.
What does it feel ok for you to do today with the minimum effort used?
Just something very small.

or

Do you want to learn to meditate?

How about initially, try 2 min of breathing exercise, being aware of your breathing, for 2 min every day.
Do you think you can do it?

Does it sound too easy? Don’t deceive yourself, easy is good, easy is progress, easy is a continuance.

Or maybe you could do some more gardening- maybe just a few minutes a day.
Being outside in the fresh air is so invigorating. We have really lost touch in being with nature.

And most of all, whatever you do, try to enjoy yourself.
Do it with joy, excitement, in a child-like way. It does not have to be hard to be effective, but please start with a joyful, radiant attitude and make it as easy as possible.

Don’t try to make your life difficult, there is no need. Make it effortless.

Apply this to every goal. Start with easy steps, repeat them and progress ….
Slow, easy, small steps towards your goal. One bite at a time. Then make a change if needed.

Trust your guts, how much is too much?

How much is just boring? Make it interesting.

Add or get rid of something. It’s a process.

You can be as creative as you want.

As Tao Tzu said –
“THE JOURNEY OF THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH ONE STEP.”

With Love

Marzena

How Are You Feeling After Christmas?

Photo by Matheus Bertelli

How was this Christmas for you?

Have you made the right decision about where you want to be, with whom, and for how long?

Have you just survived? Or have you had a fabulous time?

If you’ve had a fabulous time – that’s wonderful!

Celebrate that, your experiences, your relationships. And cultivate those relationships.

However, if you are happy that Christmas is over  …

Or

You have just survived and are depleted, tired and thinking “thank god I still have a few days to recover”.

then you need to be aware of how you feel and what you need.

Those questions are very important.

What do I need?

How do I feel?

It is very probable that you have never asked yourself those questions. That you’ve lived your whole life as others wanted you to – fulfilling other’s expectations.

If so, you are not in tune with your own internal compass, your own feelings, needs and wants, because nobody ever taught you.

You were taught to comply with what your parents wanted, society expected or your partner liked and so on.

But how about you?

What do you need right now?  

THE MORE OFTEN YOU ASK YOURSELF THOSE QUESTIONS, THE MORE YOU WILL BE IN TUNE WITH YOUR INTERNAL COMPASS AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT YOUR NEEDS ARE.

THE MORE YOU WILL KNOW WHEN TO SAY YES AND WHEN TO SAY NO.

Now is the time to contemplate on this, to reflect., to feel your body.

How does your body respond to those questions?

Your body is your entry gate to your inner world. You need to bypass your mind, as your mind is so preconditioned with what others want you to do that it would not know your true answer.

Your body has its own wisdom, so tap into it.

And now I invite you to contemplate the following:

  • How do I need to look after myself?
  • What do I need to do less or more of?

or

  • My needs and emotions matter.
  • I need some space and that’s ok.
  • I need time for myself, it does not mean that I am weird.
  • Because I don’t like everyone you do, it does not mean that there is something wrong with me…

And please add some more below…

With all my love

Marzena

The illusion of Quick-Fix Results

Let me tell you the truth; we are all being deceived.
A lot of online life coaching industry is based on quick solutions:
“100% proven, quick effective methods”
or
One-month long healing programme where you can change your life forever”.

But the reality is that what sounds too good to be true IS too good to be true.

We all want quick, miraculous results but it ain’t happening, sorry to say that!

Emotional healing is not a short event, it is an ongoing process, and there are no short cuts.

You need to be doing the hard work.

Save yourself money, time and disappointment by not going for fast, life-changing courses, that you know deep-down won’t help you.

As Carl Rogers, one of the most eminent psychologists of the 20th century, said, to ‘be a fully functioning person’ you need to work from the inside outwards. And what’s more, the work never stops, it’s a process, a lifelong process.

It’s a process of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-knowledge, where you need to be brave to explore the parts of your inner you, where you have never been before, the parts that are painful, tender, scary and vulnerable.

The journey is most rewarding, and also frightening at the same time. It is where you fall in love with yourself, with the whole of you, and re-discover who you really are.

Who do you need on your journey of self-discovery and emotional healing?

☑️ FIRSTLY, on some part of your journey, you may need a person by your side, a sounding board. Please be cautious of people who claim to have all the answers after attending a ‘quick-fix’ training course.

I will give some suggestions on finding an ‘appropriate’ life coach in a future post, but for now, the person you really need is someone who has done her or his work and is still in their healing journey.
They may be a bit further than you and may be a bit more advanced, but never-the-less are STILL on the journey. A person who you can trust and is there for you, holding space with empathy, affection and understanding.

When you are next on an introductory session with a life coach, please pay attention to the above points.

Also, please be cautious of people telling others what and how they must feel and behave. Nobody but YOU know what is going on inside you. Your emotions, feelings, sensations, beliefs. And nobody can understand how it is to be YOU.

☑️So, SECONDLY, you need to develop that strong internal compass, that awareness of who you are because this is your life.
Your body is very wise and holds the key to your self-discovery. Your body is the entry point to the internal wisdom and knowledge. You need to learn how to listen to it, how to be still and be aware.

If you want to find out more on the wisdom of the body, please read my post ‘Your innate wisdom and intelligence’.
https://marzenapenfold.com/your-innate-wisdom-and-intellig…/

And to end this post, this is how Carl Rogers describes the ‘good life’ of a ’fully functioning person’:

“This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-hearted. It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of one’s potentialities. It involves the courage to be. It means launching oneself fully into the stream of life.”

I wish you that one day you will launch yourself fully into the stream of life.

With all my love ❤️
Marzena

Your Innate Wisdom And Intelligence

Emotions like hatred, anger, envy, jealousy, irritation, rage and vengefulness are not bad; they have a function to play. They are informing us about the state of our internal world.

They are our allies. They have been designed by our innate intelligence to warn us if things are going out of balance.

It’s like a pain in your body. Your body sends you the pain sensation to let you know that something is malfunctioning, that you need to take care of some part of your body. It’s a protective, warning system.

Your body has innate wisdom, intelligence beyond your wildest imagination. This wisdom always strives for balance and harmony. Your body is self-healing. What’s more, you don’t need to know anything about it.

Your cognitive function is not involved in this process. Every second of your life, there are millions of chemical reactions taking place in your body simultaneously, and you have no idea how your system self-regulates.

For me, this is the highest order of wisdom and intelligence. If this magnificent body sends you any signals that something is out of whack – you need to listen!

And of course, when we abuse our bodies with food, alcohol, drugs or excessive stress, we are damaging the self-healing system, and our bodies struggle to correct/self-heal themselves.

In this desperate attempt to get your attention, your body sends you signals like pain (physical, or/and emotional). This could mean that things have moved on so much that you need to stop, listen and make changes to your behaviour.
Our body informs us that it is stressed, overloaded, overworked.

Therefore, you need to be grateful for all these messages, including emotional responses such as anger, rage, fear – it means that your system is out of balance and you need to attend to its needs.

Your emotions are your allies, and you need to get to know them so that you can respond to the cry of your innate intelligence.

I am still in awe of how our body’s intelligence and our divine wisdom work together for the betterment of humanity.

So yes, emotions are an essential part of our being.

With all my love
Marzena

How to Nourish and Recharge Yourself?

The other day, I went to London to meet up with a few friends. I previously lived in London for 27 years and left the city a couple of years ago for a quiet suburban town. I had forgotten how busy, rushed and extremely agitated London can be.

Although I had a lovely time catching up with my friends from far away lands, the chaos of this city had a very unsettling effect on me. After I returned, it took me several hours to ‘recalibrate’ myself to my usual tranquil, content, energy-filled state.

It reminded me how easy it is to get completely desensitised to this kind of chaotic energy. I used to commute to London for years, and I forgot how much we all need to nourish ourselves, so we can discharge all that negativity.

Where we are living now, we are surrounded by a beautiful park-like garden, with the glorious Hills all around. It’s so peaceful and nurturing.

It is so important to get away from chaos, and immerse yourself in nature if you can. I am fortunate to be able to do that. We call our place our sanctuary. It’s so full of enchanted beauty.

It’s essential, to all of us, to replenish the loss of energy by all means possible. It can be done by taking a walk in the park, yoga, meditation, being with nature, gardening and so on. This allows us to create, and then maintain, an internal ‘WELL OF GOODNESS’.

We need to replenish our energy more often nowadays, so we don’t deplete ourselves. When we’re depleted, we are prone to depression, melancholy, anxiety, loss of vitality, deterioration of our health.

Bearing in mind how essential it is to have your own ‘WELL OF GOODNESS’, and to be able to plug yourself into it, you need to create your own practices/routines (such as taking a walk in the park, yoga, meditations, being with nature, gardening, music and so on) so you can immerse all of your being, ground yourself, be still, centred, heal and abide in the serenity.

With All my love ❤️
Marzena